Funny stuff thread

Socialize with the COGG player community
Gorth
Posts: 581
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: Michigan

Streaking in Unfortunate Places

Post by Gorth »

::EMOTE:: Caius turns his horse about, streaking off much faster than he got there.
You head down a rough wheel-rutted dirt path (downward), riding Kyveli.
[Valeria, East Approach] (OutPlGrDt) Dawn, Mild, Cloudy, Calm
A wheel-rutted dirt #path leads directly to a large gap in the crumbling walls of a large city ruin. Countless large, sooty blast marks and impact craters mar the walls, though the area around the gap, upon closer inspection, appears to have been re-constructed recently.
You have trouble seeing in the low light. The area is mostly quiet.
Also here: (npc)a phantasmal forgotten citizen and (npc)Kyveli (ridden by yourself).
Obvious paths: west, a rough wheel-rutted dirt path.
The person you were guarding doesn't appear to be here anymore.
A phantasmal forgotten citizen grasps at you with its chilling touch! Melee(d150):80 vs Parry(d542([1]x)):539 = -459 (-306%)
parried!
*** You counterattack!
You punch at a phantasmal forgotten citizen with your steel gauntlets! Melee(d700(2x)):551 vs Dodge(d146(-2x)):61 = 490 (70%)
0 bludgeon damage (0%) (right leg)
2 alchemical damage (right leg)
Kyveli kicks at a phantasmal forgotten citizen with its hooves! Melee(d500):257 vs Def(d150(-2x)):21 = 236 (47%)
0 crush damage (0%) (left foot)
Your mount is incapable of moving at the moment!
[Done moving.]
Your mount is incapable of moving at the moment!
Your mount is incapable of moving at the moment!
Your mount is incapable of moving at the moment!
Your mount is incapable of moving at the moment!
A phantasmal forgotten citizen faces you and unleashes a howling, mournful cry! Off(d100(2x)):69 vs Def(d162([1]x)):119 = -50 (-50%)
You push the thoughts of horror from your mind.
You head west, riding Kyveli.
So much for streaking off. /grumble
:undm_scales_key: :shagerd:
Proud owner of the ten thousandth post.
User avatar
Delphine
Posts: 134
Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2022 6:36 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Delphine »

You posted the following on the board:

I am looking for someone to acquire wood for me, specifically oak: short, medium, long planks and long hewn timbers. This is for the fortifications to the fort in the ruins. You will be paid. -Cerise, #420

(You may unpost your post at any time.)

As you left the fort, you overheard one of the posted guards commenting that all donations were quite close to completion save for the short planks.

unpost 10
You removed the following post from a market post board: "I am looking for someone to acquire wood for me, specifically oak: short, medium, long planks and long hewn timbers. This is for the fortifications to the fort in the ruins. You will be paid. -Cerise, #420"

You posted the following on the board:

I am looking for someone to acquire wood for me, specifically oak: just short planks. This is for the fortifications to the fort in the ruins. You will be paid. -Cerise, #420

(You may unpost your post at any time.)
(This made me literally lol.)
You think to yourself, "I am surrounded by idiots and petulant children."

You experience a sudden flash of insight, as though you have an increased understanding of who you are.
artus
Posts: 227
Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2021 7:43 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by artus »

This happened in the forest, and possibly because I logged in and forgot to check how low my energy was from all the walking yesterday.

A hostile encounter approaches!
[Balance -5]
You are surprised *and stunned* for 1 second!
A bandit poacher just arrived.
You are no longer surprised.
(a bit of a fight with me dirtkicking him once and dealt 4 damage to his chest, then both of us missing each other back and forth.)
You say (muffled by a bandana-mask), "Wrong place to fight me, bud."
You loose an arrow at a bandit poacher with your longbow!
missed!
(energy -10)
A bandit poacher looses an arrow at you with his flatbow!
missed!
A bandit poacher looses an arrow at you with his flatbow!
55 pierce damage (right leg)
You fall to the ground!
[Balance -5]
You are staggered *and stunned* for 3 seconds!
You are no longer staggered.
You are no longer stunned.
You struggle to stand, but fail.
A bandit poacher looses an arrow at you with his flatbow!
** The world around you goes black as you fall unconscious!
52 pierce damage (left leg)
A bandit poacher feints preparing to loose an arrow at you with his flatbow!
You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
A bandit poacher looses an arrow at you with his flatbow! 52 pierce damage (61%) (back, jacket)
A bandit poacher looses an arrow at you with his flatbow! 84 pierce damage (left leg)
[Balance +3]
Your hunger is fully satisfied.
A cold, quiet nothingness overwhelms your consciousness as life flees your failing body ...
... and so it is strange that after an indeterminate amount of time, you feel yourself thinking again. A dim, weak awareness at first, followed by wondering how you could possibly still be thinking when you are in fact dead ...
You can't do that right now.
... bits and pieces of strange dream-like reminiscences flit through your mind like tattered remnants of forgotten dreams ...
... spinning incontrollably through infinite darkness, being pulled in every direction at once ...
... feeling something pulling at you, followed by an irrepressible desire to go - however it might be possible to willingly move in such a state - to a point in the distance ...
... getting so near your destination, only to be stopped; caught like a fish in a net. Struggling in vain to close that final gap ...
... you awaken suddenly to a more familiar sense of awareness ...

Wrong time to fight him now, for me, apparently. Should have checked my energy before walking and boasting about it. Well done, Art.
Frisbee
Posts: 221
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2022 7:33 am
Location: Greece

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Frisbee »

When you've completely overlooked proofreading a bug report before submitting, in the middle of a chaotic situation, and are sitting blissfully on your farm about a month later...
[OOC-BugStatus: Bug #10052 submitted by you has been closed: We're heavily bugged stuck in the bristbane [#WHO] * Gorth just logged in. Heh heh, in case it's not already been reported.]
[Bug was closed with the following note: Good times]
Stop putting watermellons into the first thing you see that looks like it can hold a watermellon. It is most rude, because you'll only make them feel like they don't belong.
Gorth
Posts: 581
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: Michigan

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Gorth »

Rias, why'd you have to do these item changes? GRR.
::EMOTE:: Caius casts his gauntlets aside where they clatter to the ground. He scowls.
Looking around, you realize there's nowhere on the ground to put the iron plate gauntlets (broken).
:undm_scales_key: :shagerd:
Proud owner of the ten thousandth post.
silly
Posts: 52
Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2022 5:39 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by silly »

Fails when trying to name someone:
name man as jimmi
You will now recall a tall athletic dark-brown-haired adult man with dark olive skin and hazel eyes as Jimmi.
You will now recall Jimmi as No.
You will now recall a very tall burly bald adult man with bronzed skin and amber eyes as Jimmi.
You will now recall Jimmi as Not Him, Either.
You will now recall an average-height lean golden-haired youthful man with fair skin and pale blue eyes as Jimmi.
Using your hands, you work at washing a wash basin at a wash basin.
A wash basin is now clean.
User avatar
Maina
Posts: 172
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2020 12:32 pm
Location: Colorado

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Maina »

You head into an inn built against the southeastern canyon face.

[The Hanged Man, Lobby] (rent) (InUr) Mild

You overhear the following rumor: "The Hanged Man has some great drinks, but you run the risk of bumping into criminals and fugitives who can't enter Shadgard proper."
(Type rumors ignore to ignore rumors.)
First time stepping foot into this Inn in probably a year. Figures.
User avatar
HeckTurtle
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2021 8:11 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by HeckTurtle »

an interaction that made me laugh a lot, posted with permission from the other individual:
::SAY:: Speaking to you, Barhan says, "Recommend me to some seniors. Say I got a 'will to learn' and 'good, rational, down-to-earth attitude'."

::SAY:: Speaking to Barhan, you ask, "I could, but only after I get to know a senior well enough to recommend you to them. How about Miguel?"

::EMOTE:: Barhan turns away with a sparkling grin, thumb and forefinger on his chin. He opens his eyes to look back at [you]. "Miguel? Who's Miguel?"

::SAY:: You say, "A senior."

::SAY:: Speaking to you, Barhan asks, "What, old?"

::SOCIAL:: You nod in agreement.

::EMOTE:: "I don't want to talk to fossils, I want to talk to someone who knows what they're doing. Kickstart my career. Get in shape." Barhan puts
his hands on a table, leaning across at [you]. He walks around it first to accomplish this.

::SAY:: You ask, "All right. Do you want something in the meantime, until I meet the right senior?"

A bell tolls eleven times, signaling the time of day.

::SAY:: Barhan says, "Yeah. Sit up straight when you work. Or you'll look like your grandmother in a month."

::SAY:: You say, "I don't know what my grandmother looks like. I never met her."

::EMOTE:: "Because she was so bent over, her head folded into her rear and she asphyxiated." Barhan flicks a wave over his shoulder, walking out.
"Just keep yourself healthy and hale; we're in this together. Mail me something if you need help, call if you need it now. ###. Now I'm off to go fold
some spines myself."

::SAY:: You say, "All right, fold safely, sir."

::MOVEMENT:: Barhan heads out.
Prism
Posts: 105
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:44 pm
Location: SHADGARD, BABEH

I've errored

Post by Prism »

[Mistral Lake, Mistveil Keep] (OutMtRk) Late Evening, Chilly, Rain, Calm
Here at the top of the switchbacks is a tall crenellated black stone keep, built against the mountain face to the north. Its high fog-shrouded tower grants an excellent view of the town below, and a heavy spiked #portcullis ensures no invaders will be granted easy access to the keep.
You're barely able to see at all in the near-complete darkness. There is a cloud of fog here. The area is completely silent.
Also here: (npc)a stoic pale guard (moderately-armored, carrying a handaxe and a shield, drenched) and (npc)a stoic pale guard (moderately-armored, carrying a warhammer and a shield, drenched).
Obvious paths: down, a portcullis leading into a tall crenellated stone keep (closed).
charmseek
You can't charm-seek here!
"The sky, above the clouds; A rainbow that fate has devoured
I gave up Hope
But I'm not going to be lost tomorrow; Even if it is hell
I'm gonna' crawl. "
Gorth
Posts: 581
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: Michigan

Oh, hey. Sup?

Post by Gorth »

A hostile encounter approaches!
[Balance -5]
You are surprised *and stunned* for 1 second!
An inky black phantom just arrived.
[Done moving.]
You are no longer surprised.
You are no longer stunned.
An inky black phantom grasps at you with its chilling touch! Melee(d100):27 vs Dodge(d527([1]x)):272 = -245 (-245%)
...
...
Volinn arrives from the east, riding a regal blood-bay charger with a braided mane.
...
Volinn stares.
You nod to Volinn.
Volinn maneuvers to stay out of range of an inky black phantom's melee approach!
Volinn helps you maneuver in to make your attack!
...
...
An inky black phantom seems to draw inward upon itself until it disappears in a small puff of ebon mist.
(energy -6)
::SAY:: Speaking to Volinn, you mildly say, "Fancy seeing you here."
:undm_scales_key: :shagerd:
Proud owner of the ten thousandth post.
Post Reply