Playing a disabled: a fun ground for everyone

[artus]

Hello folks

Long post ahead, but please read.
I'm going to start off by saying a thank to you all for being awesome and making my experience on here full of smiles and joy. At the same time, I'm trying to bring the same to every one of you if I can, which is why this topic has to exist, because something I meant to bring joy may as well turn out to be a potential trigger or some, which is far from my intention. I would honestly like to hear from everyone regarding these questions below, as sincere and as detailed as you can provide, so I know when and how to tone down when things get too far out of hand. All of my chars are not without flaws. I am just as imperfect as a human being is. This post is going to particularly surround my secondary character, Baki, although if anyone have anything to drop about Artus can also do so. And it's not that I want to bring any of my characters to the spotlight. I just happen to realize that something that seems normal to me, more to my soft spot, may end up being very stressful to some. I'm a disabled myself and have a very soft spot for anyone with neurological issues of any kind, disabled or otherwise. Playing Baki doesn't just bring out that side of me, it's also a brake from the kind of reality a sane mind has to suffer just for being sane, the kind of simple world where everyone gets to play around, have fun and give happiness to others, the world full of smiles and wonder, and the world where we sometimes miss those who were once present in our lives and cherish that memory when they can no longer play with us, the childlike world, the fundamental personality of my own that I can't keep sometimes. I have a mental illness. I need a brake and I'm pretty sure everyone needs a brake too, from the world, from life, or in this case, from me and whatever I do. My escape and joy may not be for some, and it's perfectly understandable.

Before the questions, Let me be clear that regardless of opinions, I really can't bring myself to retire him even though he's not my permanent undying character and things just can't suddenly flip downside up that magically transforms him into a professor level scholar. I usually don't publically share plans for my char, but this is one of the times I may need to do so. I don't plan to have him severely disabled forever. I give him 27 lives, with him getting more coherent with each death and will eventually be able to be on his own, serving people independently with possibly 70% capacity, barred only because he takes forever to grow and some fundamental knowledge are lost during the time of his growth. The reason why it may seem very slow now is because he's on his first death and no one wants him dead by any means so they kind of protect him, making death near impossible (I got one by accident, mind you.) He's also meant to be ignored sometimes. You don't have to rp with him if you don't want to. He'll just be there doing stuff and enjoying himself, even though he acts like he needs attention sometimes. You may feel obligated to rp when someone seems to be demanding it. It's never the case here. It's also never the case with any of my characters. In my case, have fun if you want to and walk away if you don't. Feel free to directly talk to me anytime you find anything I do uncomfortable. I'm willing and would love to listen. Anything I do, even soundpacks I make, if I know a single file or a single thing that ticks off someone's seizure or whatever (which happened once), I'll immediately set to fix it. This is serious. Please, communicate if you have anything.

Now, on to the questions.

Are you triggered or weirded out or feel uncomfortable around Baki? if you're one of those who find it difficult to deal with Baki, which aspects trigger you the most? What do you think should be done to tone that down so it doesn't get too far?

I'm going to sleep folks. Hopefully someone can shed light once I wake up. Love yall.

[Navi]

Are you triggered or weirded out or feel uncomfortable around Baki?
When our characters first met, the answer was yes. This was the case because I've seen it attempted before, and it was extremely disappointing. After the first few interactions, I realized it wasn't just someone with a vague understanding, but someone who was committed to bringing this character alive. I did my best to outfit them with a host other characters who would support them. I haven't been playing for about three months now, so no clue if that's sustained itself. All that said, I've enjoyed the time we've played together.
if you're one of those who find it difficult to deal with Baki, which aspects trigger you the most?
I wouldn't say he triggered me, but it did seem like his presence introduced an entirely new element to what I was expecting to do in the scene. It's only a lot to consider in event that have a lot of contextually heavy subjects that aren't easy to convey with in depth meaning, at least for me.
What do you think should be done to tone that down so it doesn't get too far?
Nothing comes to mind. You said he'll become more aware as time goes on. If you really want to play them, keep on researching what it is you want to convey, and grow the character accordingly. Development doesn't have to be exclusive to interactions after all. Plenty happening when you're logged out. I hope this feedback is helpful.

[Vaelin]

When I first met your char and realized what was being attempted, I felt nervous. I thought that this might not end well and might end up insulting people who has or know people who have the same experience. There was that saying about don't write about someone from a minority group unless you got some experience with it. However, there are points or and against that which I'm not going to elaborate here.

As time went by and well, I saw how you did it, with respect and thoughtfulness with the rp, I was confident you will pull it off. I was not triggered, but I can understand that first, viseral reaction when I encountered someone trying to do so and expect it as a kind of insult to the rl people who has the same or near to it condition.
I'm not sure how to deal with this conversation, honestly.

[artus]

Happy seeing this, folks. Feel free to keep it coming. I'm taking note.
Those who're deeply and personally offended or triggered and don't feel like posting here, I also encourage you to directly communicate by sending me (chariot/artus) personal tells or even leave a message on discord if you have it. I promise I won't be offended regardless of whatever you say.

Also bumping this up in case anyone missed the topic and have anything to share.

[Gorth]

I'll be blunt in my personal fashion. Baki annoys me, but that's fine. You don't make a character to make everyone happy. It's not so much that the character triggers me, and it is certainly an interesting take. I try to make my characters with flaws, though there are some idealisms in everyone because, surprise, it's a fantasy game that a lot of us play for escapism. Regardless, I sometimes find Baki as attention demanding, and ocasionally disruptive to other RP, but I feel like you've recognized that as the character grew and made sure to tone it down when actual serious things are happening. Even if my characters, and sometimes me, find him annoying, you play him fine. I appreciate that he actually has realistic ticksand habbits, even if I find it unlikely that someone so damaged would manage to survive so long in the Lost Lands. Then again, I don't know his backstory!

Cool character. keep being unique.

[Rias]

My feeling from those who have reached out is that they were not uncomfortable with or offended by the character in particular, but with the general concept itself. The best and sincerest of intentions unfortunately do not nullify the hurt or the concerns of these people. I imagine this is why they reached out to staff instead of to the player of the character.

This particular case also strays into the reasons for our character minimum age limit: The player character age minimum is 20 for various reasons, including an assumption of physical and cognitive ability to be able to participate in the game's various activities and mechanics, as well as the character's maturity level and capability to be responsible for themselves and their decisions. The idea is for all player characters to be considered generally adult-level in these areas. The choice to forbid having PCs with child-level maturity or cognitive capability - essentially minors, whether literally or effectively - was absolutely a deliberate one.

I am by no means questioning the intent as I know you and that you are a fundamentally good person who is exceptionally kind, caring, and considerate of others. The suggestion of a cure and the particular means of achieving it through repeated harm/death, however, I think only serve to exacerbate the issue.

The idea of a character who has a simple mindset and takes joy in the simple things in life and tries to share that with others is a delightful one. I think it could be accomplished quite well without giving the character a neurodivergent condition. It reminds me of the hobbits in Lord of the Rings, who generally just want to eat, smoke, sing, and be happy, which is a character type I've enjoyed playing often in the past!

[Karjus]

Don't like the idea myself.

Even more so, definitely not a fan of the concept of death being a change to their situation.

[artus]

Here's one thing I need to mention. I always fact checked, comfort checked everyone each time I got him out. But as time went by, I saw people comfortable with it and just stopped, thinking it was fine as it was. No one reached out to me. No one raised concerns. No one told me about all this and I suddenly got reported.

I get the reason the general concept itself may have a part to play with this. The character is 22 with a background and death was pretty much part of what made him this way, at least that's my current backstory. I may change it to something else and just retcon the death part, but then it creates a new problem: what should I do? It's again not like I can just retcon everything and boom! Done.

I'd love to hear from those who, by now as Rias revealed, reported me in particular, so I know what the problem really is. It honestly pains me to, let's say, retire him or do anything that outright breaks his character upside down for the magic of something I don't quite make sense of, but I also understand the concern and discomfort. The problem I struggle right now is what I should do, because I really have no idea. I admittedly get character anxiety right now, wanting to log him on but unable to even think of doing so without getting anxiety fit. I love the dude man, seriously.

[Firerose]

Not long after Baki came into the game world, I was on a voicechat. Someone made a comment that whoever plays Baki is doing an amazing job. Something like that. I held my tongue, because you (Artus) had told me it was you. I was intrigued, and wanted above all to respect your confidence.
Because it was you, someone I've known for about five years now, I wasn't nervous or worried. I knew details that aren't mine to share, and I knew you would give the character sensitivity and care as you played.

That said, I'm not here to toot my own horn. I bring it up as a way of saying thank you for being so mindful when you play him, and for actually doing it correctly.
When I've seen people play blind characters on other games, I have always, always been deeply offended, which is really an understatement. Only a blind person could really get it right. Or someone who was intimately familiar with our struggles, strengths and weaknesses.
You and I talked last night about playing mutes. The difference there is that several have done it, I haven't heard anyone complain (this only means that I haven't heard it, not that there haven't been people unhappy or uncomfortable with it). I like that type of RP because it forces a person to get into the body language part of communication. As a blind person, this is something that, in my daily life, I lack. Period. So it's a way of exploring something I can never have in my day-to-day life.
But if it offended someone, and I knew it, I would apologize, profusely. I don't know that it would change anything in that context, because of my own feelings around magical, insta-heal situations, but I would be truly sympathetic to the person and express such. It matters what people think, and I think in online worlds we all too often forget that there are people behind the characters we interact with--people with feelings, triggers, thoughts and opinions. While we're certainly not here to please everyone--it's not possible, in any case--being sensitive to others is important, or, in my opinion, it should be.

I really just wanted to thank you for making it real, even when/if Baki's overexuberance is exhausting to watch, especially when I'm tired. Like some, I've felt like he was demanding attention, but it's not my place to ask you to change your RP for me--it's just not.

[Karjus]

Accepting something is okay because the crowd you hang out think it's okay really shouldn't be the basis of continuing to do something. Or whether it is acceptable at all.

I also don't think throwing something out to the court of public opinion because staff has contacted you about a problem to try and gather support for it is also helping yourself.

It sounds like you've circumnavigated a rule, so whatever qualms you have about it aren't much of consequence. You should be more asking yourself what does staff want me to do about it.

Frankly I thought there was a policy about disabilities as well.