A List a Long Time in Coming.

Give your fellow roleplayers some kudos.
Gorth
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A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Gorth »

Warning for some language.

I'm just going to dump a whole load of sap on people. It's going to be so sticky you won't be able to move.

Disgusting image over, here's just a whole lot of shoutouts, players and characters alike, in order of what pops into my head.

L. (Toliver) Taliaferro: I'm sorry I could never be the captain you wanted me to be. I didn't take the whole image of the household seriously until a few months after you started getting serious about it, and I didn't let it shape my character like I should have. This character's hilarity but sometimes absolutely commanding presence made him a joy to be around, and I'm just glad I managed to find someone like you. You didn't deserve the stress Maya put on you.

Sarah: Similar story, honestly. I know she didn't like me, as much as I tried. But she kept on keeping on, and the strength that takes is unimaginable. It just broke my heart, the last interaction we had, when you just braced yourself and sighed when my weapons came out. Anyway, I've never seen someone play quiet so impactfully. It means something, when you speak. Sometimes it's soul-crushingly blunt, sometimes it's side-splittingly funny and unexpected, it doesn't matter. Whenever I see your name, I pay attention. it means well written, well thought out emotes. But also, do a little less work, and take people's money.

Baako (Talyn seperately): Maya liked Baako like you like a group member who pulls there wait in a project. She respected him (mostly) though she wouldn't have thrown herself into hell for him. There's not a ton to say, really, but I see me in you, and vice versa. We both, in my opinion, tried to conform our characters after we took them in a direction we (and other people) weren't enjoying. And I'm thinking it burned both of us out. Mad respect for everything you've done, and I hope one day you manage to pull yourself back.
Talyn (The player): You were one of the greatest helps when we would get in Voicechat and I would not shut up about Maya and my personal problems with her. You helped by basically telling me I was an idiot and I shouldn't care as much as I do about how other people view my character. You kept me going so much longer than I would have. And also, kept me from making dumb mistakes just to fit in which would have ruined my character even sooner.

Black (By Extention Kaiju): I don't know either of you well, but you've always been what I aspire to be, in a way; perhaps not as Dominion. Dark, mysterious, intimidating, gives no fucks. in a way, that's where Maya ended up, though in a much different way. Near the middle of my time with her I found you amusing to poke at and be poked back at. Near the end, I went out of my way to avoid you because I didn't want to deal with your bullshit (I'll touch on my problems with conflict later). This is no fault of your own. I pushed further than I was able to take at the time, and I didn't follow through where I probably should have. It gets tiring, getting insulted at every turn, but I'm not complaining. Well done for playing your character, man. Keep on going.

Cerise: It's a similar story to Black, really. Again, I found you amusing, and then I totally hated the character. That isn't to say I hated your RP -- you do incredible emotes and everything you do feels deliberate and well thought out.

VOlinn: fuck you, man. But I deliver it with a smile and a friendly thump on the shoulder. You were one of the big keys to Maya's latest changes, if you know it or not, and I commend you for having such an incredible affect on my character. You pull off casual and carelessness (fake or true) much better than I ever could. I'm also jealous you somehow outpaced me in levels just doing combat in like, four months.

Pigeon: You frequently blow me out of the water with how much you actually know about what you're talking about. It's clear you either had some backgroudn or you did crazy research for your character, and I love that. It made her feel alive, and unique. She just felt like some big ol' lady with a slightly tragic past that was just trying to carve out a new life and find some new adventure.

Suzy: Even though our characters clashed, at the end, you were always there out of character to help me through things. I appreciate your blaze wit and willingness to here me complain for two hours.

Faye/Serity: I complained at you a lot, too. Especially after some of the things I've said to you on the casual in the past, I'm amazed you put up with me. Your character also shaped a lot of Maya, and also helped me realize I needed to start changing things at the beginning.

That's all I can write, for now. This is no definite list, but it's what I could come up with. There's not many people I've interacted with that I've come out of saying, 'Ugh, i hated that.' Keep on rocking on.
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Lamia
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Lamia »

Not gonna lie, I'm really sad about this. The character of Maya had so much *life* to her, and I was looking forward to her working her way through - whatever it all was she was dealing with.

That said, if playing her was causing you more stress than pleasure, then you did what was best for you and that's wise.

I'll miss the opal-hoarding pocket valkyrie though :(
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Gorth
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Gorth »

MAJOR CHARACTER SPOILERS!

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED AND STUFF!





Maya's dead. Retired, and she won't be coming back. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but her story meant a lot to me, if not to anyone else.

I appreciate @2's sentiments, though. I really, honest to god loved the girl to death, but when the only advice people could really give me anymore was 'Change things if you don't like them,' and all my attempts were kind of just met with blank stares from people, I gave up. I hated to do it, and the story didn't end any way I imagined (I had so many plans for her, and didn't get to do any of the big things I wanted), but it happens. It's a game, and we're all telling stories. Sometimes those stories clash, and Maya was a character built to clash with people. I just didn't think it would become so molecularly important to her character.

I love conflict. I mislike not being noticed from time to time, especially after how much I'd put into Maya. I wanted to make Maya a sort of redemption Paladin type character, back from the flames of her failures. I was doing well, and then I tried to explore the darkness in her too much, and it spiraled faster than I realized, and people played there characters how they would react. I blame no one for my problems, but people as a whole. It isn't their faults, it was just a whole lot of really unfortunate things.

The long and short of it is, I got tired of conflict on such a personal level. I loved every second of the conflict when I was an exile. It was all, 'I disagree with the way you present yourself. I disagree with the people you defend. I think you are a blood-thirsty son of a bitch and this latest thing you did proves it, and lets have a battle of morals and ideals.' And that was all great, and a lot of fun, because I got to play Maya like I wanted. Wild, fiery, vaguely angry at the world, and herself, and the people who abandoned her. Gives no fucks. But then all of that fled, and the only conflicts I got were daily 'Hey! You! Why are you so mean? Why are you so jaded? You're too young to be like this, and it bothers me personally, and I feel the need to spit it in your face and then get upset when you bridle just the tiniest bit. Or, if you go all blank because you've learned that showing emotion in protection for yourself (or in general) gets people pissy at you, I'm going to say you complain about your lot in life too much.' And when I say daily, I mean it. There was always something that I vaguely prompted and someone complained about. Whatever. I liked that kind of personal conflict at the beginning. But when I snapped and killed someone for it, and just got told OOCly 'I don't want to follow this through any longer because this is dumb', I kind of just said fuck it and moevd on. But it kept going. People kept poking and poking, and yes, Maya may have deserved it. But I didn't liek it any longer, and there came a time where my vague and sometimes not vague complaints in Discord just made me feel like a complainer. So I retired her. I'll try to do better, next time.

But Maya is dead. I may write a few more things for her, but she's gone. As many great memories as I have, there's also a lot more bad ones that I remember; not to mention the other people.

P.S. All of this looks like I'm justifying the way she acted at the expense of other people. I think I played my character fine, but I just don't think people, or perhaps me as well, were ready for how deep, and how dark it went. Keep on rocking on, all of you. I love it, even if I didn't do well myself.
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Firerose
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Firerose »

It's always difficult when you try to play something, it either takes a turn or you realize it's too much for you, or that you didn't do it well. I did this once, years ago, trying to play an evil character. When it started giving me literal nightmares, it was time to stop.
I'm so sad to see Maya go, but I understand and have deep respect for your decision to let her go, and for your self-awareness to acknowledge where you enjoyed things and where you didn't.
Your RP was solid, even if it took a lot out of you. The writing, the depth of character. I love all of it, even if my char found it difficult. :)
I hope the next round goes well, and that you find it easier to handle on the longterm. Take good care of yourself. In the end, that's what matters. As much as we may love the storytelling, our own well-being has to come first.
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Candelori
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Candelori »

I am sorry to hear that it came to this. I knew Maya only in passing due to my own anxiety in getting to know new people, but she was the recipient of one of my RP nominations given out for inspiring me to try and better my own creative expression and attempts at fluid writing. I regret not having taken the opportunities to get to know her better when I had them.

It is heartening however to know that Maya came from you, the player behind her, and that we can look forward to interacting with your other characters. I wish you better fortune and satisfaction with what comes next. May our characters cross paths soon.
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Volinn
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Volinn »

Supremely disappointing for me honestly: I feel the character had a lot of very positive places to go and I was personally looking forward to where that might be. Felt pretty crushed when I realized that was it.

But I guess if that's it, then fair play. I really liked the character a lot on the whole. She had a lot of flaws and sometimes lately it felt that the player's emotions/frustrations were seeping through some (and it happens, of course - this isn't a critique at all), but my character had a lot of respect and fondness for her despite anything he might have said in recent times. Hope you come back with someone else soon.
artus
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by artus »

I honestly didn't expect to see this as the end result of the tension I've felt building up, especially after we've talked. Arty felt something in Maya and he really wanted to help. I, on a very personal level, feel something for her too. And there are memories to be had, the fun stuff, the not so fun stuff, or even the little fear and gripe between her and Baki. I enjoyed all of that and wished it was the same for you too. I really enjoyed interacting with Maya even though Baki was afraid of her most of the time until recently. Now he doesn't even realize she died. Uh well.

But I do understand the stress that comes with it. I wish we could catch up somewhere and talk before you decided this though, at least, to hear something we haven't heard and see what we can do. Then again, it's justified. If something doesn't give you any more enjoyment as it gives you headache, better let go. I just wish it wasn't after Arty and her managed to reconcile.:(
Frisbee
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Frisbee »

This might be a bit all over the place, but will try to keep it somewhat cohesive.

First of all, thanks for your shoutouts. They are generous, heartfelt and heartwarming.

Secondly, I'll be echoing the sentiment that yes, it was a bit disappointing, not being able to follow through with Maya's story arc, but, ultimately, it was for the best, if it ended up being so exhausting. This being a community of almost exclusively enthusiastic roleplayers, we often forget that, at the end of the day, this is a game, even when we try to highlight it. We all just need a break and a sandwich, sometimes.

As for my and my character's thoughts on Maya? I have very fond memories of her, not only pre but also post-exile. The games we played, the coronation, all the times she sang, but also when she tried to stand up for and protect people. When she got serious about her role near the end, she was fiercely and decidedly loyal, no matter how many bouts of conflict she would get involved in. My character was aware of this and respected it, perhaps with less fanfare than deserved.

What we were both wary of was Maya's unpredictability. It's not that my character disliked Maya, per se, but, what with the latter's general and constant glumness, especially near the end, it was very hard to gage when she would explode, or get snippy, or just move on from things and smile. She did feel jaded, and we both just wanted to know why, at times. However, no matter how many conversations our characters would have, and even if they had a positive outcome, it felt like things would eventually go back to vague anger and blankness, and there was nothing that could be done to advance from there.

I play a notoriously stubborn, grumpy and gloomy person, who often engages in arguments. I do secretly enjoy them, but I have learnt that bringing about conflict for the sake of conflict can get tiring very quickly, because there is little to nothing to be gained from it and a great potential to destroy relationships with others. In the end, all our little dudes have in this harsh world is each other.

Cheers, and I hope Maya's resting in peace.
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Taliaferro
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Taliaferro »

I will miss Maya very, very much. I wish her story had ended differently. I'm very much looking forward to the next story you have to tell us, though.
Ananth
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Re: A List a Long Time in Coming.

Post by Ananth »

Hello, I was very shocked and sad to learn about Maya. Elrond had a lot of both fun and emotional roleplay with Maya.
While it is saddening to see her story end in such a way, I commend you as a player for recognizing when you had to let her go, and doing it.
I look forward to your next character and the stories they will tell.
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