Funny stuff thread

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Gorth
Posts: 581
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: Michigan

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Gorth »

This is why we don't use auto-eat, alright?
You head north.
[Woodland Road] (OutWldFrFlDt) Mid Afternoon, Cold, Drizzle, Slight Breeze
The area consists of semiarid earthy woodland, the ground dotted with foliage. A road leads north and south. Mountains block passage to the northwest, east, southeast, southwest, and west.
The area is mostly quiet.
Obvious paths: north (road), northeast, south (road).
Traveltime: 2 seconds.
(energy -4)
You take a bite of a snowball, finishing it off.
Gah! Brain freeze!
1 cold damage
You feel fully rested.
You blink.
::SAY:: You exclaim, "Aahhh!"
You are thoroughly drenched!
The land is drenched by rainfall.
::EMOTE:: Having just taking a bite of a ball of snow clutched in one gloved hand, apparently by accident, Gorth looks around sheepishly to see if anyone saw him.
You are holding nothing in your right hand and a snowball in your left hand.
After hiding and pondering my mistakes...
[Woodland Road] (OutWldFrFlDt) Mid Afternoon, Cold, Drizzle, Slight Breeze
Sunlight shines through the boughs of pines and small stands of aspen to illuminate the rough dirt road. A weathered wooden #post topped with an empty lantern cage has but one sign pointing up a mountain #trail to the southwest, the only indication of the destination being a depiction of the Common letter S vertically bisected by an upright mining pick. Occasional rustling in the #foliage off the side of the road indicates that at least some of the local wildlife is curious enough to risk straying near paths trod by man. A smaller footpath leads toward a sliding #door set into the eastern mountainside, above which is a small sign depicting a large key above a set of scales.
The area consists of earthy woodland, the ground dotted with #foliage. A road leads north. Mountains block passage to the northwest, northeast, east, southeast, south, southwest, and west.
The area is mostly quiet.
You also notice a snowman.
Obvious paths: north (road), a mountain trail, a heavy maple mountainside door (closed).
Traveltime: 4 seconds.
(energy -8)
You take a bite of a snowball, finishing it off.
Gah! Brain freeze!
The biting cold is made all the worse by being sopping wet!
2 cold damage (200%)
Thankfully, the only one I need to kill is Orvil the Snowman.
:undm_scales_key: :shagerd:
Proud owner of the ten thousandth post.
Vaelin
Posts: 38
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2021 9:29 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Vaelin »

When some weird bugs happen causing comedic timing. So my char is sitting in Hearth and Home common room and is tired and thinking he's hallucinating. My partner is being tricky and is whispering while hidden making him paranoid. And after some back and forth making him think that he's just dreaming or high on plant fumes, this happened. Note: even a cha char's log in message just slotted in with the comedic timing.

You say, "Wow, did I drink something stronger in that imaginary coco."
You start weaving some pale green thornleaf fibers.
You say, "I can swear I just kissed XXX for real this time."
You squint at a plush cane-wielding stout bewigged gentleman doll.
[#WHO] * YYY just logged in. Things are about to get real.
Speaking to you, XXX reassures, "Alex, dear, I am quite real."
Speaking to a plush cane-wielding stout bewigged gentleman doll, you say, "Nice try, Wigs, your illusions won't fool me. devious, I love it."
An average-height stout light-brown-haired adult man with tanned skin and hazel eyes arrives from the north, riding a large dark-gray workhorse with ebon feathered legs.
An average-height stout light-brown-haired adult man with tanned skin and hazel eyes heads out, riding a large dark-gray workhorse with ebon feathered legs.
You have finished weaving, leaving you holding some pale green thornleaf cordage.
You blink.
(Insert appropriate smiley)
Tessa
Posts: 45
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2022 12:25 pm
Location: Frolicking in the ocean

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Tessa »

My character just came back from a death. Horrified, terrorized, and demoralized. She manages to strip off her armor. Exhausted, she sits down. And then... and then this gold.

Crispus leans toward you and whispers, "Kori. I know this isn't the best time. But. You're not wearing pants."
"The sea is emotion incarnate. It loves, hates, and weeps. It defies all attempts to capture it with words and rejects all shackles. No matter what you say about it, there is always that which you can't." — Christopher Paolini
Prism
Posts: 105
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:44 pm
Location: SHADGARD, BABEH

DeAngelo Status Report

Post by Prism »

(While Fighting Wechuge)

A strong wind gusts through!
*** You are winded.
"The sky, above the clouds; A rainbow that fate has devoured
I gave up Hope
But I'm not going to be lost tomorrow; Even if it is hell
I'm gonna' crawl. "
jerc
Posts: 80
Joined: Sun Feb 13, 2022 3:26 pm

Death of a Foolish Sorcerer

Post by jerc »

I was pretty salty about this last night, but in retrospect, it's hilarious trying to imagine what was going through the minds of the other characters who were in the room at the time. Looking forward to the postmortem conversations with them, and slightly disappointed that death punted me aaaaall the way back to Mistral so I couldn't have them right then and there.

Including timestamps with subsecond precision and omitting rolls to preserve some mystery as to just how scary the Shadgard gate guards are if you happen to look like a nethrim.

Code: Select all

(Note: Me, testing the sorcery/shadgard waters in the gatehouse)
2023-03-03T01:43:44.80 > sorc
2023-03-03T01:43:44.84 Inky black tendrils snake and writhe around your hands as you summon nether to your command.
2023-03-03T01:43:44.84 (Type release to stop channeling.)
2023-03-03T01:43:44.84 Roundtime: 1 second.
2023-03-03T01:43:46.46 > rel
2023-03-03T01:43:46.77 You release your channeled will.
2023-03-03T01:43:48.75 You feel fully rested.
(Note: at this point, I'm thinking "Oh cool, they're ok with sorcery here. Best get ready for the incoming shenanigans")
2023-03-03T01:43:50.10 > scast scloak
2023-03-03T01:43:50.27 Inky black tendrils snake and writhe around your hands as you summon nether to your command.
2023-03-03T01:43:50.28 (Type release to stop channeling.)
2023-03-03T01:43:50.28 Roundtime: 1 second.
2023-03-03T01:43:50.89 A shroud of shadows forms around you, disguising many of your features.
2023-03-03T01:43:50.89 (energy -25)
2023-03-03T01:43:50.89 Roundtime: 5 seconds.
2023-03-03T01:43:50.92 You release your channeled will.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.71 Samia swings at you with her copper glaive!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.71    3 hack damage (50%) (chest, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:43:51.72 Baerig helps Samia maneuver in to make an attack!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.72 Samia punches at you with her ridgeleather gauntlets!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.72    2 bludgeon damage (40%) (chest, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:43:51.72 [Balance -5]
2023-03-03T01:43:51.72 You are staggered for 3 seconds!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.72 Baerig follows up with an attack of his own!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.72 Baerig swings at you with his copper warhammer!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.73    18 puncture damage (62%) (chest, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:43:51.73 A militia soldier swings a rapier at you, feinting left!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.73    You see the feint coming and refuse to fall for the ruse.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.73 A militia soldier circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74    a militia soldier manages to improve his balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 A militia soldier circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74    a militia soldier manages to improve her balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 A militia soldier swings a warhammer at you, feinting low!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74    You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 A militia soldier swings a shortsword at you, feinting high!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74    You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 Mickey 'Muscles' O'Radley circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74    Mickey 'Muscles' O'Radley manages to improve his balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 Farlaine swings a warhammer at you, feinting right!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74    You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74 Baerig circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:51.74    Baerig manages to improve his balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:53.87 A militia soldier circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:53.87    a militia soldier manages to improve his balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:53.88 A militia soldier swings at you with his copper warhammer!
2023-03-03T01:43:53.88    dodged!
2023-03-03T01:43:53.88 A militia soldier thrusts at you with his copper shortsword!
2023-03-03T01:43:53.88    3 pierce damage (60%) (chest, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:43:53.88 Farlaine circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:53.88    Farlaine manages to improve her balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:54.70 You are no longer staggered.
2023-03-03T01:43:54.70 A militia soldier thrusts at you with his iron rapier!
2023-03-03T01:43:54.70    0 pierce damage (0%) (abdomen, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:43:54.71 A militia soldier hacks at you with her copper handaxe!
2023-03-03T01:43:54.71    8 hack damage (50%) (left arm, vambraces)
2023-03-03T01:43:54.71 Mickey 'Muscles' O'Radley slashes at you with his iron rapier!
2023-03-03T01:43:54.71    6 slash damage (40%) (left arm, vambraces)
2023-03-03T01:43:54.71 Baerig lowers his shoulder and charges at you!
2023-03-03T01:43:54.72    The tackle connects!
2023-03-03T01:43:54.72 You fall to the ground!
2023-03-03T01:43:54.72 [Balance -5]
2023-03-03T01:43:54.72 You are staggered for 8 seconds!
2023-03-03T01:43:54.72 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:43:56.04 > g g
2023-03-03T01:43:56.08 You can't do that while staggered!
2023-03-03T01:43:56.88 A lead shot streaks in toward you! 
2023-03-03T01:43:56.88    63 pierce damage (62%) (chest, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:43:56.88 A militia soldier thrusts at you with his iron rapier!
2023-03-03T01:43:56.88    38 pierce damage (62%) (right arm, vambraces)
2023-03-03T01:43:56.88 Farlaine swings at you with her copper warhammer!
2023-03-03T01:43:56.88    6 crush damage (54%) (left foot, boots)
2023-03-03T01:43:57.77 A lead shot streaks in toward you!
2023-03-03T01:43:57.77    5 pierce damage (62%) (chest, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:43:57.77 Samia circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:57.77    Samia manages to improve her balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:58.40 > g g
2023-03-03T01:43:58.71 A militia soldier circles around you warily, looking for an opportunity to strike.
2023-03-03T01:43:58.71    a militia soldier manages to improve his balance and position.
2023-03-03T01:43:58.71 A militia soldier thrusts at you with his copper shortsword!
2023-03-03T01:43:58.71    8 pierce damage (57%) (left arm, vambraces)
2023-03-03T01:43:58.72 You can't do that while staggered!
2023-03-03T01:43:58.78 "And with them squirrels able to get up into the trees, where we can't see it," a short wiry amber-haired adult woman with ruddy skin and blue-green eyes nods to ?Zotikos?, "It likely means we ain't never gonna see 'em comin', or catch 'em of-".
2023-03-03T01:43:59.21 ?Zotikos? puts his fine silver-capped ebonwood cane in his silver belt haft-ring.
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80 A militia soldier swings a rapier at you, feinting low!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80    You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80 A militia soldier feints preparing to hurl a handaxe at you!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80    You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80 Mickey 'Muscles' O'Radley swings a rapier at you, feinting low!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80    You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80 Baerig swings a warhammer at you, feinting low!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.80    You fall for the ruse, moving to avoid a blow that never came!
2023-03-03T01:43:59.81 [Balance -10]
2023-03-03T01:44:01.92 You continue to bleed from your chest.
2023-03-03T01:44:01.92 (Your left hand fracture and right leg fracture have completely healed.)
2023-03-03T01:44:01.92 Samia swings at you with her copper glaive!
2023-03-03T01:44:01.92    *** You are winded.
2023-03-03T01:44:01.93    35 pierce damage (62%) (chest, cuirass)
2023-03-03T01:44:01.93    Piercing strike driven clean into the chest. Shish-ka-figure. *mortal*
2023-03-03T01:44:01.94 [Balance +25]
2023-03-03T01:44:01.95 Your hunger is fully satisfied.
2023-03-03T01:44:01.95 A cold, quiet nothingness overwhelms your consciousness as life flees your failing body ...
2023-03-03T01:44:01.95 >>[DEAD]
(Narrator: They were not OK with sorcery.)
Frisbee
Posts: 220
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2022 7:33 am
Location: Greece

I'm the Master of Begging

Post by Frisbee »

Yet another post-OOC meeting sceene that made me smile, but it was hilarious, as well.
Rias arrives via a hallway.
(They show signs of having extremely deep pockets of riln on them ripe for a pull ...)
** Fellborn falls unconscious!
Fellborn has been defeated.
A pair of medics run in, heave Fellborn onto a stretcher, and haul him off to be resuscitated.
Fellborn appears in a flash of blinding light!
Howard loudly cries, "God fight!"
Firesong says, "Oof."
You look over Rias thoughtfully.
Chariot says, "Thore's hammer."
Chariot hugs Rias.
You ask, "Is that riln you have there? Can we have it?"
Howard yells, "Team no pants."
Marcuson cheers!
Howard turns toward Fellborn and cheers!
Marcuson gets up off a tall stool at the bar.
Marcuson waves.
Rias hands you 1 riln.
[+1 riln, stowed in your embroidered white rimeveil backpack (open)]
Marcuson heads through a portal leading back into the game world.
You beam happily!
Chariot exclaims, "Riiiiln!"
You say, "I have the single most significant coin in history."
Chariot bounces about happily.
Rias removes a nerf bat from his copper belt haft-ring.
Chariot laughs at you!
You hold up a riln-piece for all to see, turning it this way and that with a flourish of your hand.
(You deftly drop the riln-piece into your other hand mid-flourish.)
You pretend to drop the riln-piece and search frantically for it for several moments before revealing it was in your other hand the whole time.
Fellborn says, "And now I want to wear pants."
Speaking to you, Rias says, "Hey, it's not like I gave you Scrooge's number-one dime."
You say, "Thanks for doing this on my birthday."
Fellborn says, "Or maybe a sleeping bag. I'm going to go Earl from Tremors."
You grin.
Rias exclaims, "OH hey, happy birthday!"
Rias hands you 1 riln.
[+1 riln, stowed in your embroidered white rimeveil backpack (open)]
You exclaim, "Cheers!"
You get up off a squashy armchair.
Speaking to Fellborn, Rias says, "Wow, I haven't thought about Tremors in so long."
Chariot pouts.
You burst into dance!
Stop putting watermellons into the first thing you see that looks like it can hold a watermellon. It is most rude, because you'll only make them feel like they don't belong.
User avatar
HeckTurtle
Posts: 19
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2021 8:11 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by HeckTurtle »

POV you're trying to have a semi-serious conversation with someone but the wildlife has other plans
::MOVEMENT:: A shaggy mahogany-brown bison climbs up a makeshift treehouse ladder of pegs and boards, dripping wet.
Navi
Posts: 350
Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2020 7:07 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Navi »

A short petite *redacted* woman with fair skin and *redacted* eyes transfers the following from a heavy white wool backpack (open) to a wooden trash barrel:
a terrible spoiled leg (x2)
(2 item(s) total)
...
I was wondering where ol'Billy was. Where's the rest of'em though?
wander without wanting, thrust into lands unknown. the shadows shift and change, and the worlds with them.
I'm not a soldier but I'm fighting
Can you hear me through the silence?
I won't give up 'cause there will be a day
We'll meet again
User avatar
ThresherAle
Posts: 75
Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2019 10:35 am
Location: Shadgard
Contact:

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by ThresherAle »

stand
You get up off a knitted sunset-orange wool blanket.
Roundtime: 1 second.

sit sun bl
You sit down on a knitted sunset-orange wool blanket.

You experience a sudden flash of insight, as though you have an increased understanding of who you are. You feel you could learn new things a bit easier with this knowledge, feeling confident in your choice of whichever skills you might next pursue.
My "get up, forget what I was getting up to do, sit back down" RP is second to none.
A black entity asks, "What goal is that?"
A sunset-orange entity says, "Gettin you to take a bath."
A black entity says, "I look forward to one of these boxes blowing up in your face."
Lamia
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue May 10, 2022 4:06 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Lamia »

You see a burly squint-eyed man with cropped black hair, whom you know as Ralston.

On the shorter side standing at about five and a half feet, the burly man looks almost as wide as he is tall
with his broad chest and well-muscled arms. His deep black hair has been slicked back, squinty brown eyes taking in
his surroundings with a sort of casual wariness.

No obvious wounds or maladies.
He is holding a pine-hafted copper pickaxe in his right hand.
He is wearing a leather satchel (closed).


You say (muffled by a bandana-mask), "No chance of being arrested out here for public indecency, I take it,
Ralston? It's still winter, man - get some clothes on you."
You say, "Well, they probably use goblets, but better table manners are still no reason to join a bloodcult."
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