Funny stuff thread

[Gorth]

A bit long, but sometimes you can have a lot of off the cuff fun with thinks. Sometimes the GMs are paying attention.

A bit of fighting and:

A bulky bandit chief arrives from the southeast, carrying a mace.
You swing at a bandit poacher with your iron mace!
20 crush damage (76%) (chest, cuirass)
Several broken ribs driven into the chest! Shish-ka-poacher. *mortal*
A bandit poacher has been defeated.
A bulky bandit chief swings at you with his copper mace!
15 crush damage (44%) (chest, breastplate)
...
You think to yourself, "Finally. A worthy challenge!"
...
::SAY:: A bulky bandit chief exclaims, "Our battle will be legendary!"
You head southeast.
[Bandit Camp] (OutFrFlDt) Mid Evening, Warm, Clear, Slight Breeze
Much of the undergrowth and foliage has been hacked away to help clear this small section of the forest by the riverbank and a reinforced #palisade of sharpened logs put in place to keep out unwanted guests. A gate has been raised in a gap to allow access to the interior from the south. Scattered around and mostly clustered around the remaining trees left standing within the walls are bedrolls alongside equipment. High above and strung up by their feet, in full view of the camp and beyond, are a pair of corpses that dangle from a platform in the trees.
You have trouble seeing in the low light. The area is mostly quiet.
Obvious paths: northwest, north, northeast, out.
Your current energy is 44.
::SAY:: You shout, "Begun! Not over!"
You shift to a sitting position, taking care not to reveal yourself in the process.
Energy: 54 Nutrition: slightly hungry (52%) Morale: +4.86 Sanity: Sane
Wounds or maladies:
chest: moderate wound
back: slight wound
right arm: minor wound
left arm: minor wound
right hand: moderate wound
left hand: slight wound
abdomen: slight wound
left leg: slight wound
::SAY:: You hear a voice from the northwest yell, "That's right!"
You peer northwest and see ...
Also here: (npc)[[a bulky bandit chief]] (severely wounded, winded, moderately-armored, carrying a mace, bloody) and (npc)a bandit poacher (lightly-armored, carrying a shortbow).
.
::SAY:: You challengingly shout, "Don't 'That's Right' me! I am alone!"
...
::SAY:: Speaking to a bulky bandit chief, you dryly say, "Now, we end this."
A bulky bandit chief no longer appears staggered.
You swing at a bulky bandit chief with your iron mace!
17 crush damage (50%) (chest, vest)
Several broken ribs driven into the chest! Shish-ka-chief. *mortal*
A bulky bandit chief has been defeated.
A bulky bandit chief is staggered!
(energy -6)
::SAY:: You hear a voice from the east yell, "Chief dammit, you need all your wounds dressed! You're not impressing anyone!"
A bandit poacher arrives from the east, carrying a shortbow.
The adrenaline rush fades.
A bandit poacher blinks.
::SAY:: A bandit poacher exclaims, "He got the chief!"
A bandit poacher glances around frantically for somewhere to flee!
A bandit poacher heads east.
::SAY:: You dryly ask, "Too late, isn't it?"
You think to yourself, "A good, enjoyable fight. It probably should worry me that I'm smiling at corpses, but there's noone around to see me. Noone around that matters, at least."
You grin at the corpse of a bandit poacher.

[Frisbee]

[Alder Tree, Wooden Platform] (Out) Early Evening, Mild, Clear, Slight Breeze
Rough wooden planks make up a sturdy platform held by the thick boughs of a large alder tree. Of simple but sturdy design, the platform and ancient branches supporting it could likely support quite a large group of people. Gnarled branches partially obscure the view of the town #square below. Carvings can be seen in the massive trunk of the alder tree where past visitors have scribed brief messages in the bark.
The area is poorly-lit. The area is mostly quiet.
Also here: Hreidun (lightly-armored), Pigeon, Caius (heavily-armored, briny), and Suzy (GROUP LEADER, heavily-armored, carrying a hammer).
Obvious paths: down.
Pigeon carefully carves a tiny heart enclosing the letters E + F. She smiles.
Pigeon puts her fine steel knife (keen-edged) in her leather thigh sheath.
Sarah smiles knowingly at the carving.
Pigeon smiles at you.
Pigeon asks, "There. Anyone else want to abuse the poor tree?"
Hreidun writes on a rectangular writing slate with a rough stick of limestone chalk and holds it up for all to see.
You read a rectangular writing slate (Common Letters):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've no hearts to carve, alas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hreidun rubs her chin thoughtfully.
Hreidun writes on a rectangular writing slate with a rough stick of limestone chalk and holds it up for all to see.
You read a rectangular writing slate (Common Letters):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that sounded worse out loud
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pigeon asks, "You can borrow mine if you like?"
You blink.
Suzy giggles!
Speaking to Hreidun, Caius observes, "It wasn't out loud."
You shake your head slightly, disagreeing with yourself.

[Gorth]

You carefully examine the corpse of [redacted] in the area ...
Wounds or maladies:
head: slight wound
chest: slight wound
back: moderate wound
right arm: severe wound, slight fracture
left arm: moderate wound
left hand: slight wound
abdomen: minor wound
right leg: moderate wound, minor fracture
[A corpse.]
The item is branded with a corked bottle of dark wine.
It is a medium-sized item.

[Gorth]

::SAY:: Speaking to Crispus, you say, "Gimme that stiletto again? I wanta try somethin'."
A breeze blows through the grass, causing the green blades to shift and tremble.
?Hreidun? giggles!
::SAY:: You say, "I could just take it, but y'know."
Crispus removes a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto from his wolf leather thigh sheath.
Crispus offers to give you a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
You may accept or decline the offer.
You accept Crispus's offer and are now holding a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.

Atempt at SLEIGHT VANISH MOUTH, not small enough.

You hold up a riln-piece for all to see, turning it this way and that with a flourish of your hand.
(You deftly drop the riln-piece into your other hand mid-flourish.)
You pretend to pop the riln-piece into your mouth and make an exaggerated swallow! After a few moments to let the wonder sink in, you retrieve the riln-piece from your other hand.
::SAY:: Speaking to Crispus, ?Hreidun? whispers (muffled by a mask), "Magic."
::SAY:: Speaking to you, Crispus mutters, "Don't fall on it."
::EMOTE:: Maya does an idle finger trick as she ponders a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
You get up off an aspen-planked handcart labeled "Heironymous, His Cart".
::EMOTE:: Maya nods to Crispus. She takes a step back and, turning eastward, hurls her fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto off into the distance.
You sneakily drop a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
Crispus stares at you.
You sit down.
Volinn stares at you.
::SAY:: You say, "What? I didn't like it. They're ugly."
?Hreidun? blinks.
You sneakily pick up a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
::SAY:: Speaking to you, Crispus incredulously wonders, "..You.. You realize how much that was worth?"
::EMOTE:: Maya offers a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto to Crispus with a grin. "Dagger's're prettier, but less affective," she says.
You offer to give a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto to Crispus.
Crispus accepts your offer and is now holding a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
Crispus stares at his fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
Crispus stares at you.
You cackle quietly to yourself.
::SAY:: ?Hreidun? mumbles (muffled by a mask), "Against armor. Dagger is fine without."
::SAY:: [Language:Unknown] Crispus mutters, "[something you don't understand]"
Crispus puts his fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto in his wolf leather thigh sheath.
::SAY:: You agreeably say, "Aye, fair enough. The dagger does well against wolves, and that lot."
Pigeon snickers.
::SAY:: Speaking to you, Crispus translates, "..Thank you."
::SAY:: Speaking to Crispus, you laugh, "That'll be fifty riln."

[Navi]

Frida begins delivering some reflection therapy.
You feel more introspective and able to learn from your recent experiences.
[Quickpocket! 30 sec. Target: Frida]

[Navi]

[#WHO] * Silly just logged in. Things are about to get real.

[Gorth]

Suzy heads north.
You follow Suzy.
[Shadgard, Main Street] (OutUr) Late Evening, Mild, Partly Cloudy, Calm
Spanning the distance between the close canyon walls to the east and west is a sturdy wooden stockade wall, protecting the townsfolk from the dangers of the wilderness outside. An open arch leads into the sturdy wooden #gatehouse guarding the only available passage through the barrier, an effective singular point of defense. Built in the northwestern corner where wall meets the sheer canyon cliffside is a modest #barracks of thick timber. A busy, well-trod road heads southward into the heart of the town, flanked by various buildings and venues, the #tanner shop easily identifiable by the unpleasant smells wafting from it.
A few people are milling about the area. The area is somewhat noisy.
Also here: Suzy (GROUP LEADER, heavily-armored, briny), Pigeon (group Second), and Crispus (group, smells of lemon).
Obvious paths: north, east, south, a tanner, a modest barracks, a sturdy wooden gatehouse.
** a sturdy black mule falls unconscious!
Ursun falls from a sturdy black mule!
9 bludgeon damage (33%) (left leg, greaves)
Ursun is staggered!
Ursun arrives from the north, riding a sturdy black mule that is pulling a mismatched-wood-planked handcart labeled "Handcart of Ursun", carrying a spear.
Ursun no longer appears staggered.
Ursun stands up.
A sturdy black mule slowly regains consciousness.
You stare.
Suzy blinks.
::SAY:: Pigeon says, "Oh dear."
Ursun grumbles.
Crispus nods to a sturdy black mule.
::SAY:: You yell, "BEAR!"
::SAY:: Pigeon exclaims, "What have you done to that poor animal!"
::EMOTE:: Maya breaks into snickers.

[artus]

You peer quizzically at a hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin.
A hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin takes no notice of Baki.
Baki pushes through the market crowd, eyes twinkling slightly, a vacant smile hin his eyes. He seems to be back and forth between the wool and clothing stalls but then decides against it, stepping closer to a hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin to examine his mask instead.
A hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin slowly turns to face Baki. He rests both hands upon his cane; his expression is inscrutable behind his exquisite smooth willow naiad mask.
Speaking to you, a hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin inquires (muffled by a mask), "Is there something I may assist you with, Baby-Blue?"
Baki reaches out for a hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin's arm in a grasp, but ultimately gives him a tap without actually grasping.
A hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin's gaze immediately tracks Baki's reaching arm. His attention then returns to the man, and he tilts his head to the right, the effect amplified by the mask he wears.
Baki rumbles softly in his throat, a twinkle of curiosity on his face. He smiles, the same vacant, childlike smile, and points to the mask, "Mm, like..like Rei Rei!"
A hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin stamps his cane once against the cobblestone streets, producing a sharp rap. "Indeed. Like Nacreous. Do you wish for psychiatric treatment, perhaps, Baby-Blue? Something to stave off the Lost Lands' inevitable corruption?"
Baki shows no understanding what so ever of a hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin's words. He simply stares curiously at his mask and extends his shieldless hand to touch it.
A hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin does not move in the slightest. "Octum will arrive soon. Along with the horrors that the Wraith will bring, there will come merchants as well, peddling their wares-- including ones that hide the countenance."
A hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin begins delivering some motivation therapy.
You feel more motivated than you were before, increasing your morale!
{Morale +1.54}
Baki listens to what possibly sounds like a ramble to him, laughs along where he thinks is funny, yet again, shows no sign of understanding. His attention is at the mask and he keeps pointing at it.
While you can't see their face, you will now recall anyone matching the general appearance of a hooded tall thin aging man with pale skin as ?Doctor Weird?.
"Bolster yourself against the coming darkness, Baby-Blue," ?Doctor Weird? instructs Baki. And he turns and weaves his way out of the marketplace, cane clicking against the cobblestones.
?Doctor Weird? heads west.
Baki simply stands there, staring confusedly after the doctor.

[Marcuson]

Imagine that you are standing anxiously outside a sealed door while a terrible battle occurs, and this is the only feedback you receive:

You hear a voice from through an imposing stone door (closed) shout, "Bear!"

[Frisbee]

After an evening of general gloom, I thought I would post this hilarious bit of typoing which I stumbled upon in my logs.

Verence arrives.
You say, "Qwll rh q dr."
Sarah did not say any of that.
Verence asks, "Oh, good! We got wo.. er?"
[TO Verence (OOC)]: Omg I just put my hand wrong on the keyboard
[FROM Verence (OOC)]: Hahahahahahaha
[FROM Verence (OOC)]: I thought Sarah was speaking in tongues.
You exclaim, "Well that was fast!"