Funny stuff thread

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Gorth
Posts: 160
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: United States

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Gorth » Sat Sep 03, 2022 9:40 pm

A bit long, but sometimes you can have a lot of off the cuff fun with thinks. Sometimes the GMs are paying attention.

A bit of fighting and:
A bulky bandit chief arrives from the southeast, carrying a mace.
You swing at a bandit poacher with your iron mace!
20 crush damage (76%) (chest, cuirass)
Several broken ribs driven into the chest! Shish-ka-poacher. *mortal*
A bandit poacher has been defeated.
A bulky bandit chief swings at you with his copper mace!
15 crush damage (44%) (chest, breastplate)
...
You think to yourself, "Finally. A worthy challenge!"
...
::SAY:: A bulky bandit chief exclaims, "Our battle will be legendary!"
You head southeast.
[Bandit Camp] (OutFrFlDt) Mid Evening, Warm, Clear, Slight Breeze
Much of the undergrowth and foliage has been hacked away to help clear this small section of the forest by the riverbank and a reinforced #palisade of sharpened logs put in place to keep out unwanted guests. A gate has been raised in a gap to allow access to the interior from the south. Scattered around and mostly clustered around the remaining trees left standing within the walls are bedrolls alongside equipment. High above and strung up by their feet, in full view of the camp and beyond, are a pair of corpses that dangle from a platform in the trees.
You have trouble seeing in the low light. The area is mostly quiet.
Obvious paths: northwest, north, northeast, out.
Your current energy is 44.
::SAY:: You shout, "Begun! Not over!"
You shift to a sitting position, taking care not to reveal yourself in the process.
Energy: 54 Nutrition: slightly hungry (52%) Morale: +4.86 Sanity: Sane
Wounds or maladies:
chest: moderate wound
back: slight wound
right arm: minor wound
left arm: minor wound
right hand: moderate wound
left hand: slight wound
abdomen: slight wound
left leg: slight wound
::SAY:: You hear a voice from the northwest yell, "That's right!"
You peer northwest and see ...
Also here: (npc)[[a bulky bandit chief]] (severely wounded, winded, moderately-armored, carrying a mace, bloody) and (npc)a bandit poacher (lightly-armored, carrying a shortbow).
.
::SAY:: You challengingly shout, "Don't 'That's Right' me! I am alone!"
...
::SAY:: Speaking to a bulky bandit chief, you dryly say, "Now, we end this."
A bulky bandit chief no longer appears staggered.
You swing at a bulky bandit chief with your iron mace!
17 crush damage (50%) (chest, vest)
Several broken ribs driven into the chest! Shish-ka-chief. *mortal*
A bulky bandit chief has been defeated.
A bulky bandit chief is staggered!
(energy -6)
::SAY:: You hear a voice from the east yell, "Chief dammit, you need all your wounds dressed! You're not impressing anyone!"
A bandit poacher arrives from the east, carrying a shortbow.
The adrenaline rush fades.
A bandit poacher blinks.
::SAY:: A bandit poacher exclaims, "He got the chief!"
A bandit poacher glances around frantically for somewhere to flee!
A bandit poacher heads east.
::SAY:: You dryly ask, "Too late, isn't it?"
You think to yourself, "A good, enjoyable fight. It probably should worry me that I'm smiling at corpses, but there's noone around to see me. Noone around that matters, at least."
You grin at the corpse of a bandit poacher.
Blue on black—tears on a river, push on a shove—it don't mean much
Joker on jack—match on a fire, cold on ice—a dead man's touch
Whisper on a scream—never change a thing, doesn't bring you back
It's like blue on black

Frisbee
Posts: 100
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2022 7:33 am
Location: Greece

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Frisbee » Tue Sep 06, 2022 8:11 pm

[Alder Tree, Wooden Platform] (Out) Early Evening, Mild, Clear, Slight Breeze
Rough wooden planks make up a sturdy platform held by the thick boughs of a large alder tree. Of simple but sturdy design, the platform and ancient branches supporting it could likely support quite a large group of people. Gnarled branches partially obscure the view of the town #square below. Carvings can be seen in the massive trunk of the alder tree where past visitors have scribed brief messages in the bark.
The area is poorly-lit. The area is mostly quiet.
Also here: Hreidun (lightly-armored), Pigeon, Caius (heavily-armored, briny), and Suzy (GROUP LEADER, heavily-armored, carrying a hammer).
Obvious paths: down.
Pigeon carefully carves a tiny heart enclosing the letters E + F. She smiles.
Pigeon puts her fine steel knife (keen-edged) in her leather thigh sheath.
Sarah smiles knowingly at the carving.
Pigeon smiles at you.
Pigeon asks, "There. Anyone else want to abuse the poor tree?"
Hreidun writes on a rectangular writing slate with a rough stick of limestone chalk and holds it up for all to see.
You read a rectangular writing slate (Common Letters):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've no hearts to carve, alas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hreidun rubs her chin thoughtfully.
Hreidun writes on a rectangular writing slate with a rough stick of limestone chalk and holds it up for all to see.
You read a rectangular writing slate (Common Letters):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that sounded worse out loud
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pigeon asks, "You can borrow mine if you like?"
You blink.
Suzy giggles!
Speaking to Hreidun, Caius observes, "It wasn't out loud."
You shake your head slightly, disagreeing with yourself.

Gorth
Posts: 160
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: United States

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Gorth » Thu Sep 15, 2022 6:33 pm

You carefully examine the corpse of [redacted] in the area ...
Wounds or maladies:
head: slight wound
chest: slight wound
back: moderate wound
right arm: severe wound, slight fracture
left arm: moderate wound
left hand: slight wound
abdomen: minor wound
right leg: moderate wound, minor fracture
[A corpse.]
The item is branded with a corked bottle of dark wine.
It is a medium-sized item.
Blue on black—tears on a river, push on a shove—it don't mean much
Joker on jack—match on a fire, cold on ice—a dead man's touch
Whisper on a scream—never change a thing, doesn't bring you back
It's like blue on black

Gorth
Posts: 160
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: United States

I Love Artifice

Post by Gorth » Sat Sep 17, 2022 6:29 pm

::SAY:: Speaking to Crispus, you say, "Gimme that stiletto again? I wanta try somethin'."
A breeze blows through the grass, causing the green blades to shift and tremble.
?Hreidun? giggles!
::SAY:: You say, "I could just take it, but y'know."
Crispus removes a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto from his wolf leather thigh sheath.
Crispus offers to give you a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
You may accept or decline the offer.
You accept Crispus's offer and are now holding a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
Atempt at SLEIGHT VANISH MOUTH, not small enough.
You hold up a riln-piece for all to see, turning it this way and that with a flourish of your hand.
(You deftly drop the riln-piece into your other hand mid-flourish.)
You pretend to pop the riln-piece into your mouth and make an exaggerated swallow! After a few moments to let the wonder sink in, you retrieve the riln-piece from your other hand.
::SAY:: Speaking to Crispus, ?Hreidun? whispers (muffled by a mask), "Magic."
::SAY:: Speaking to you, Crispus mutters, "Don't fall on it."
::EMOTE:: Maya does an idle finger trick as she ponders a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
You get up off an aspen-planked handcart labeled "Heironymous, His Cart".
::EMOTE:: Maya nods to Crispus. She takes a step back and, turning eastward, hurls her fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto off into the distance.
You sneakily drop a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
Crispus stares at you.
You sit down.
Volinn stares at you.
::SAY:: You say, "What? I didn't like it. They're ugly."
?Hreidun? blinks.
You sneakily pick up a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
::SAY:: Speaking to you, Crispus incredulously wonders, "..You.. You realize how much that was worth?"
::EMOTE:: Maya offers a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto to Crispus with a grin. "Dagger's're prettier, but less affective," she says.
You offer to give a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto to Crispus.
Crispus accepts your offer and is now holding a fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
Crispus stares at his fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto.
Crispus stares at you.
You cackle quietly to yourself.
::SAY:: ?Hreidun? mumbles (muffled by a mask), "Against armor. Dagger is fine without."
::SAY:: [Language:Unknown] Crispus mutters, "[something you don't understand]"
Crispus puts his fine steel triangle-bladed stiletto in his wolf leather thigh sheath.
::SAY:: You agreeably say, "Aye, fair enough. The dagger does well against wolves, and that lot."
Pigeon snickers.
::SAY:: Speaking to you, Crispus translates, "..Thank you."
::SAY:: Speaking to Crispus, you laugh, "That'll be fifty riln."
Blue on black—tears on a river, push on a shove—it don't mean much
Joker on jack—match on a fire, cold on ice—a dead man's touch
Whisper on a scream—never change a thing, doesn't bring you back
It's like blue on black

Navi
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2020 7:07 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Navi » Fri Sep 23, 2022 6:14 am

Frida begins delivering some reflection therapy.
You feel more introspective and able to learn from your recent experiences.
[Quickpocket! 30 sec. Target: Frida]
wander without wanting, thrust into lands unknown. the shadows shift and change, and the worlds with them.
I'm not a soldier but I'm fighting
Can you hear me through the silence?
I won't give up 'cause there will be a day
We'll meet again

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