Funny stuff thread

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ThresherAle
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Location: Shadgard
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Funny stuff thread

Post by ThresherAle »

A very tall hulking adult man with fair skin says (muffled by a helmet), "Seems you are challenged little these days with what I can bring you."

You say, "What I get for bein so good."

You lament, "It's a curse."

A very tall hulking adult man with fair skin lets out a quiet snort of amusement.

You sense you don't have a prayer of opening the lock on a beaten larch lockbox, so you stop picking.

You glance up.
A black entity asks, "What goal is that?"
A sunset-orange entity says, "Gettin you to take a bath."
A black entity says, "I look forward to one of these boxes blowing up in your face."
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Lexx416
Posts: 563
Joined: Wed Sep 06, 2017 6:14 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Lexx416 »

[ESP-GRAY]: A black entity says (muffled), "Hmph."
[ESP-GRAY]: A boysenberry entity asks, "Hrm?"
[ESP-GRAY]: A black entity says (muffled), "Yes."
[ESP-GRAY]: A boysenberry entity says, "Hrm."
[ESP-GRAY]: A dusk-blue entity asks, "Hmm?"
[ESP-GRAY]: A boysenberry entity asks, "Hrmmm?"
[ESP-GRAY]: A golden entity says, "Mmmh."
[ESP-GRAY]: A dusk-blue entity says, "Alrighty then."
"You hear the Woses, the Wild Men of the Woods... Remnants of an older time they be, living few and secretly, wild and wary as beasts."
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nobody
Posts: 501
Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2020 7:43 am
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Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by nobody »

cogg wrote: [NPC] says, "Poor Evergreen Graveyard is completely corrupted by nether-taint. Dead never get their sleep, but I occasionally head over there with a couple flintlocks and some iron shot to try and help 'em get at least a few moments of rest before they rise up again."

> ask [NPC] about flintlocks
[NPC] doesn't seem too interested in talking about that.

> ask [NPC] about gun powder
[NPC] doesn't seem too interested in talking about that.
Dang, seems Rias already got to them :lol:
Keleran
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:22 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Keleran »

An assistant introduces an obese hooded-eyed man with bronzed skin to you as Jesus and assigns you to tend his wounds.
Jesus lies down.
You see an obese hooded-eyed man with bronzed skin, whom you know as Jesus.
He is spattered with blood
Using a small copper needle and a skein of thread, you sew up the wound on Jesus's right hand.
You tend Jesus's right arm wound with some thick gray unguent.
You tend Jesus's head wound with some thick gray unguent.
You tend Jesus's neck wound with some thick gray unguent.
You tend Jesus's right foot wound with some thick gray unguent.
You tend Jesus's left arm wound with some thick gray unguent.
You tend Jesus's right hand wound with some thick gray unguent.
You tell Jesus to get some rest now and that their wounds will be healed up soon.
Jesus thanks you and pays you for your treatment.
Rilulth
Posts: 178
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2018 6:22 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Rilulth »

I made an oopsie and called Fellborn to check out some new secret items I made on #CHAT. Further discussion happened:
[#GAME] <Rilulth (Event Staff)> Fellborn, come see the crate of goodies I made.
[#GAME] <Rilulth (Event Staff)> Wrong channel.
[#GAME] <Lukepop> lol
[#GAME] <Rokal> goodies, huh?
[#GAME] [discord] <tulpa> Cruel
[#GAME] <Ephemeralis> So very cruel.
[#GAME] <Ephemeralis> I bet it's a crate full of livestock.
[#GAME] <Ephemeralis> Tattooed livestock, in fact.
[#GAME] <Prism> It's probably full of acid-blooded orphan-fueled horrors.
[#GAME] <Rilulth (Event Staff)> This is another reason I usually have chat off when I'm making
things >_<
[#GAME] <Nobody (mentor)> People would still cry cruel if it were Fellborn saying 'look at this
crate of baddies I made.'
[#GAME] <Nobody (mentor)> Sorry, just amused that the widgets that give utils here are goodies
and baddies. Don't mind me.
[#GAME] <Fellborn (Event Staff)> I have in fact, made a lot of "baddies" today. Or at least,
readjusted.
[#GAME] [discord] <tulpa> Yes, it's all a blessing unless it's a crate full of mediocrities,
which isn't possible because we have talented GMs
[#GAME] [discord] <tulpa> (see, I'm being nice!)
[#GAME] <Rokal> we all appreciate the work you all put in ! :D
[#GAME] [discord] <lexx416> It's clearly a crate full of nether hornets and Resen wasps.
[#GAME] <Prism> I never knew horror could exist so potently
[#GAME] <Rilulth (Event Staff)> The hornets are just for Lexx <3
[#GAME] <Teri> facehugger resen
[#GAME] [discord] <lexx416> I like my hornets extra spicy
[#GAME] <Fellborn (Event Staff)> That is not a bad idea. They wanted more winged animals.
[#GAME] [discord] <lexx416> I also like putting terrifying concepts out into the universe
[#GAME] <Prism> ***you should check the post office.*** ***you hear loud, angry buzzing coming
from a large parchment package***
[#GAME] <Rilulth (Event Staff)> Hornets are better than what I was thinking of, for certain.
[#GAME] <Rokal> so essentially nether infused giantx10 asian hornets?
[#GAME] <Fellborn (Event Staff)> But hopefully, get this stuff QC'd soon, and you can play with
it all instead of us torturing you verbally with it. I'd prefer it all
stabbed/spiked/bludgeoned/crushed you all.
[#GAME] [discord] <lexx416> A GM could *tell* me it was a parcel full of danger, and you know I'd
still open it Prism. Right in the post office.
tulpa —
If we ever get player housing, Mistralite houseshares are going to be full of this stuff. "Damnit who let the thousand-year old angry venomous moths out of their velvet pouch again?"
Prism
Posts: 105
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:44 pm
Location: SHADGARD, BABEH

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Prism »

When you try to target the fur in your hand in the workyard.

Crispus sews together seems on a smelting furnace with quick, surgical strokes of a small bronze needle, pausing only to properly align hems and create loops of thread for a gold button (bundled:2) to be attached.
"The sky, above the clouds; A rainbow that fate has devoured
I gave up Hope
But I'm not going to be lost tomorrow; Even if it is hell
I'm gonna' crawl. "
Prism
Posts: 105
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:44 pm
Location: SHADGARD, BABEH

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Prism »

You remove a large crooked fir branch (bundled:6) from in a pine-planked handcart labeled <explitive removed>
split 2 from bun
a small campfire bundle is not a bundle.
:o
"The sky, above the clouds; A rainbow that fate has devoured
I gave up Hope
But I'm not going to be lost tomorrow; Even if it is hell
I'm gonna' crawl. "
merin
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2021 12:58 pm

The real benefit of joining the Farmers and Ranchers Association!

Post by merin »

(an average-height broad amber-haired adult man with ruddy skin and hazel eyes says, "And from myself, ya get a Handfart to help ya get things sold back and forth from yer patch of land.")
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Teri
Posts: 351
Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2021 11:45 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Teri »

Very terribly good timing of Crispus walking back into the warehouse. I was sitting there thinking good no one saw that, and he chimes in haha

You set to work on disarming the crystalline glyph beads on a flat-topped dogwood lockbox (closed)
...
** The area is shrouded in complete darkness. **

You have triggered a trap!
All light in the area seems drawn toward a flat-topped dogwood lockbox (closed)! Soon the area has
gone completely dark.



You pout, but nobody sees you.

** The area is no longer shrouded in complete darkness. **

The area is no longer shrouded in complete darkness.

You complainingly ask (muffled by a mask), "This many lockboxes I've opened and I still trigger this
one?"

Crispus (Rust) dryly suggests, "Very nice."


You say (muffled by a mask), "Frack."


You snicker at Crispus (Rust).


Crispus (Rust) snickers.

You say (muffled by a mask), "I was hoping no one saw."
Oh no, looks like I might die as I have lived. In the wrong place at the wrong time
merin
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2021 12:58 pm

There's a druid out there who will give his life for the health of your plants.

Post by merin »

Maybe this would not be funny on a normal day but it was a long tiring day and right now this is hilarious.


Artus takes on a look of concentration.
A pulse of wavering energy expands outward from Artus, causing any growth it touches to become a little more vibrant in color.
Artus is staggered!
** Artus falls unconscious!
[GROUP: Artus is no longer in the group.]
Artus has been defeated.
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