Funny stuff thread

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Serity
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Feb 16, 2022 2:59 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Serity » Sat Apr 23, 2022 8:57 pm

You find a hiding spot and attempt to blend in with the surroundings.
You notice an umber stonehoof ram watching as you slip into your hiding spot.
Mathalani's tattoos flare with a brief pale luminescence.
You stealthily move southeast.

You stealthily move northwest.
You spring from your hiding place!
An umber stonehoof ram is surprised!
Mathalani helps you maneuver in to make your attack!
An umber stonehoof ram no longer appears unnaturally calm and docile!
An umber stonehoof ram has been defeated.

Mathalani reaches out towards the corpse of a umber stonehoof ram, but it backs away.
You ask, "Oh, were you doing something?"
Mathalani amusedly says, "I was going to see if it would let me pet it."
Mathalani pats the corpse of a umber stonehoof ram lightly on the flank.

Frisbee
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2022 7:33 am
Location: Greece

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Frisbee » Sat Apr 23, 2022 9:53 pm

>repair axe
You'll have to get the fir-hafted iron throwing-axe (keen-edged) red-hot before you can repair it effectively. Maybe put it in a forge and wait a bit for it to heat it up?

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Teri
Posts: 117
Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2021 11:45 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Teri » Mon Apr 25, 2022 10:18 am

I have never had a 7 tumbler line up like this... ever. I was laughing at it. Someone was very lazy about this lockbox.
Contents:
738 riln
a small gray crystal pendant (opaque)
a vial of fulvous dye
(closed)]
After feeling around in the lock a bit with your steel lockpick (scuffed), you determine this to be
a 7-tumbler lock with a difficulty around 480. You'll want to pick forward if you want to move
forward to the first tumbler.

pf
pick forward
You advance your pick inward to tumbler 1 ...

>>RT:1 Eng E:500 B:0 Enc:0 Mrl:+4.93 Ntr:71% Exp:58% [picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox
(closed)]
You push the tumbler up with your steel lockpick (scuffed) and feel it lock into place with some
torque from your copper tension wrench.
(The lock's not open yet. Pick forward or pick backward to continue.)

pf
pick forward
You advance your pick inward to tumbler 2 ...

>>RT:5 Eng E:500 B:0 Enc:0 Mrl:+4.93 Ntr:71% Exp:58% [picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox
(closed)]
You push the tumbler up with your steel lockpick (scuffed) and feel it lock into place with some
torque from your copper tension wrench.
(The lock's not open yet. Pick forward or pick backward to continue.)

pf
pick forward
You advance your pick inward to tumbler 3 ...

>>RT:5 Eng E:500 B:0 Enc:0 Mrl:+4.93 Ntr:71% Exp:58% [picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox
(closed)]
You push the tumbler up with your steel lockpick (scuffed) and feel it lock into place with some
torque from your copper tension wrench.
(The lock's not open yet. Pick forward or pick backward to continue.)

pf
pick forward
You advance your pick inward to tumbler 4 ...

>>RT:4 Eng E:500 B:0 Enc:0 Mrl:+4.93 Ntr:71% Exp:58% [picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox
(closed)]
You push the tumbler up with your steel lockpick (scuffed) and feel it lock into place with some
torque from your copper tension wrench.
(The lock's not open yet. Pick forward or pick backward to continue.)

pf
pick forward
You advance your pick inward to tumbler 5 ...

>>RT:4 Eng E:500 B:0 Enc:0 Mrl:+4.92 Ntr:71% Exp:56% [picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox
(closed)]
You push the tumbler up with your steel lockpick (scuffed) and feel it lock into place with some
torque from your copper tension wrench.
(The lock's not open yet. Pick forward or pick backward to continue.)

pf
pick forward
You advance your pick inward to tumbler 6 ...

>>RT:5 Eng E:500 B:0 Enc:0 Mrl:+4.92 Ntr:71% Exp:56% [picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox
(closed)]
You push the tumbler up with your steel lockpick (scuffed) and feel it lock into place with some
torque from your copper tension wrench.
(The lock's not open yet. Pick forward or pick backward to continue.)

pf
pick forward
You advance your pick inward to tumbler 7 ...

>>RT:3 Eng E:500 B:0 Enc:0 Mrl:+4.92 Ntr:71% Exp:56% [picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox
(closed)]
You push the tumbler up with your steel lockpick (scuffed) and feel it lock into place with some
torque from your copper tension wrench.
The lock on a round-topped fir lockbox (closed) turns under the pressure of your copper tension
wrench and opens with a satisfying *click*!
You stop picking the lock on a round-topped fir lockbox (closed).
Oh no, looks like I might die as I have lived. In the wrong place at the wrong time

Frisbee
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2022 7:33 am
Location: Greece

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Frisbee » Mon Apr 25, 2022 8:43 pm

Lionel says, "I need to write this letter."
Lionel says, "Oh."
Lionel asks, "Er... Her surname, again?"
Lionel says, "Candel..."
You say, "Calandrini."
Lionel says, "Candelabra."

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Teri
Posts: 117
Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2021 11:45 am

Journey in the Philosophy Section

Post by Teri » Fri Apr 29, 2022 12:16 am

Whoever stacked this set of books went on a journey in the philosophy and religion section. I was giggling hitting enter again and again. It ended up with a single history book at the end.


examine books


You carefully examine a stack of books that you are holding ...
A stack of books that need to be shelved in their proper sections at the Library.
There are 7 books left in the stack. The topmost title is: "On Emotions"
It is a large item.


[Library, Religion & Philosophy Stacks] (study) (InUr) Mild

The area is mostly quiet.
The area is warmed by a lit wood-burning stove.
Obvious exits: west, east, south.




shelve book
You look for the proper place to shelve the book titled "On Emotions" ...
Ah yes, it should fit here in the Philosophy section. You slip the book onto a shelf.
You have 6 books left to be shelved. The next is titled "Love and Loss".
Roundtime: 10 seconds.

shelve book
You look for the proper place to shelve the book titled "Love and Loss" ...
Ah yes, it should fit here in the Philosophy section. You slip the book onto a shelf.
You have 5 books left to be shelved. The next is titled "Loneliness or Solitude".
Roundtime: 10 seconds.


shelve book
[Roundtime finished.]

You look for the proper place to shelve the book titled "Loneliness or Solitude" ...
Ah yes, it should fit here in the Philosophy section. You slip the book onto a shelf.
You have 4 books left to be shelved. The next is titled "Seeking Meaning in Life".
Roundtime: 10 seconds.


shelve book
You look for the proper place to shelve the book titled "Seeking Meaning in Life" ...
Ah yes, it should fit here in the Philosophy section. You slip the book onto a shelf.
You have 3 books left to be shelved. The next is titled "Sorrow, Songs, and Storms: Rites and Lore
of the Sea-Deities".
Roundtime: 10 seconds.


shelve book
You look for the proper place to shelve the book titled "Sorrow, Songs, and Storms: Rites and Lore
of the Sea-Deities" ...
Ah yes, it should fit here in the Religion section. You slip the book onto a shelf.
You have 2 books left to be shelved. The next is titled "A Sailor's Guide to Nereian Sea-Shanties
and the Power Therein".
Roundtime: 10 seconds.
Oh no, looks like I might die as I have lived. In the wrong place at the wrong time

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Talyn
Posts: 135
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2020 5:54 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Talyn » Fri Apr 29, 2022 11:35 am

I'm not sure why this made me chuckle earlier but I thought I'd share.

Also here: Mittens (drenched).

You pet Mittens.

You say, "Oh you poor cat, You should go indoors."

The land is drenched by rainfall.
Your fine night-blue wechuge leather longcoat shields you from the rain.

Mittens heads south, dripping wet.

I greatly enjoy the weather mechanic but poor Mittens.
I'm Not Accepting Surrenders At This Time. I Want You To Know Failure, Utter Defeat, And That It Is I Who Delivers It Crashing Down Upon You.
-NotRias

Gorth
Posts: 81
Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2021 11:53 am
Location: United States

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Gorth » Fri Apr 29, 2022 6:25 pm

::SAY:: Remilia says, "Whiskey's a bit diluted but, this has enough in it."
Remilia gets up off a heavy wooden barrel.
::EMOTE:: Remilia motions in an over head wave.
::EMOTE:: Maya leans forward, watching Remilia with interest.
Remilia heads out.
::EMOTE:: Maya leans back, watching the door.
=======
We've all made selfish bad decisions
We've all tried dishing out the blame
Convinced ourselves of our own actions
My problem is I'll never change.

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Marcuson
Posts: 121
Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2021 1:29 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Marcuson » Thu May 05, 2022 11:22 am

You look over a bog body for any obvious wounds ...
Wounds or maladies:
chest: moderate wound
right arm: slight wound
abdomen: moderate wound

You are now aiming for the chest when attacking. As a result, you will experience an extra second of roundtime when making applicable attacks.

You swing at a bog body with your iron mace!
34 crush damage (abdomen)
8 alchemical damage (abdomen)
(energy -6)
Roundtime: 6 seconds.

You are now aiming for the abdomen when attacking. As a result, you will experience an extra second of roundtime when making applicable attacks.

You swing at a bog body with your iron mace!
35 crush damage (chest)
8 alchemical damage (chest)
(energy -6)
Roundtime: 6 seconds.
I think my Physicker needs to go back to whatever shady school he allegedly got his medical license from and take some remedial anatomy courses.

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Teri
Posts: 117
Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2021 11:45 am

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Teri » Tue May 10, 2022 12:30 pm

I think this is my favourite soap
You carefully examine a bee-shaped honey soap that is in a thick parchment package (open) ...
Smelling strongly of honey, this soap has been carved to resemble a bee. Its glossy black eyes seem
possessed of a subtle hostility.
Oh no, looks like I might die as I have lived. In the wrong place at the wrong time

Delphine
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2022 6:36 pm

Re: Funny stuff thread

Post by Delphine » Wed May 11, 2022 1:11 pm

Weird targeting fluke making for a funny moment.
disarm closed lock 3
You set to work on disarming the needle trap on a plain chestnut lockbox (closed) ...
Using some narrow pliers, you reach into the lock and bend the needle a bit. No longer aligned with the tiny hole, it should now just spring harmlessly against the inside of the lock mechanism casing.
You feel you have effectively disarmed the trap.

pick closed lock 3
(You will continue to silently repeat this action until you specifically stop or are otherwise prevented from continuing.)
You insert your steel lockpick (heavily damaged) into the lock on a flat-topped cedar lockbox and begin feeling around for what type of mechanism it might be ...
You stop picking the lock on a flat-topped cedar lockbox (closed).

You have triggered a trap!
Ouch!! Something sharp just pricked your hand! A tingling sensation courses up your arm as the world around you grows foggy and dim ...

You fall to the ground!

You slowly regain consciousness.

Cerise blinks her eyes slowly back open and blearily looks up at Black before she mumbles, her words a little slurred, "Not. A. Word."

"Oh, I've said what I needed to while you were helpless." There doesn't seem to be any of the concern you showed in Black's voice.
You think to yourself, "I am surrounded by idiots and petulant children."

You experience a sudden flash of insight, as though you have an increased understanding of who you are.

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